Dealing With the Emotional Cost of Infertility

Having a child is something that most couples take for granted. However, when pregnancy tests fail to show a positive result month after month, it is hard to shake a nagging fear that something might be wrong. Unfortunately, a medical problem may indeed be the culprit for one out of six couples in this country every year. Conception problems that go on over a long period of time can take a serious emotional toll on the individual and on the marriage.

Infertility is hard on both the husband and wife. The longer it takes to find a solution to this issue; the worse the emotional impact can be. While there is not much that can ease the pain of this process, there are coping mechanisms that can preserve the marriage and help the individuals come through the difficulties to better times. The first step is to recognize the feelings and learn ways to constructively deal with them.

Many emotions can come into play during the infertility process. Anger and frustration over the inability to control what is supposed to be a natural process is very common. Many couples experience a sense of loss for the child that they have not been able to conceive. While there is no physical life to mourn, there are dreams and expectations that are still left unfulfilled. Women particularly will grieve over the missed opportunity to take on the role of motherhood. Some women will also feel ashamed that they cannot get pregnant; as if it were their own fault that conception has not occurred. Men can also feel this shame, since infertility can threaten one's masculinity as well.

Many negative emotions can eat away at an individual and the marriage relationship. The good news is that there are coping mechanisms available to help a couple get through the infertility process intact. The first step is to identify and accept the above feelings, assured that they are a normal response to this issue. It is also important to seek support from others who are experiencing the same problems, or those who have been through infertility in the past but have come through the process. Support groups are available around the country to help couples dealing with this exact issue.

Education can also help couples deal with these negative feelings, and offer a renewed sense of control. Learn everything possible about a specific diagnosis and treatments so that you can talk to your doctor about the options available. Finally, find ways to enjoy life as a couple. Travel to exotic places, take classes together or simply relax together in activities you both enjoy. Remember that the relationship as man and wife is the primary union in the family unit and nurture that connection as much as possible.

Infertility is one of the most difficult challenges a couple will ever have to face, but there are ways of dealing with the situation. By identifying the accompanying feelings and intentionally practicing coping mechanisms, a couple can come through the infertility process with their emotions and their marriage intact.